-i realizee today that i have no incintive to do anything in life.except go to college and write my book.i don't care about life at all. i eat when i'm depress,so i'm fat.i don't care.i don't care about people ,they're to much trouble .period. the only reason i'm not dead is becouse i'm trying to write my book.or else i would have killed myself long ago. i have a mother who only half gives a fuck about anything and a father who ridicules me weither i do good or bad.
when i get depressed,i either over eat or starve.i either throw a tantrum,or sit quietly writting poetry about death.i either scream or cry.my emotions have hardly a middle ground.and i have no one to talk to about these things.my mom doesn't care for my depression and my father induces it my soiblings make fiun of it or ridicule it. if my book fails,i'll just go throw myself in a river,or starve,maybe slit my wrist and bleed to death,that seems to be much more painless.
i know i have a problem but there is no known solution so i'll just drag through it.i know how i can solve my problem,but since it is not a one man solution, it won't get solved. i probably need a shrink...no that won't work,i need money to pay for one!!that and its they're job to pretend to care. no one will hire me becouse 'm fat,and bummy,with no work experience.
so ,besides writing,half drawing,music and my computer my life has no benefits. i actually learned recently that i do in fact have an eating disorder,but if its making me happy,its okay ,right?
i'm sick of people treating me like a celebrity,liking what i do,i entertain people,i'm allegedly smart and talented.but what the fuck about me?who likes daisha?! no one .NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY!
i should start smoking, not drinking but smoking definately. maybe i should take pills too. and drink coffee throgh the night so i can sit up through the night and then write as much as i can.and even with that i just entertain. also this shit is all serious,not some thing for attention like some sad little emo brat.i'm dead the fuck serious.i'm not usualy like this,people would think something's wrong with me;there is,but its the same for everyone,i'm just more vocal and expressive about it.
don't get me wrong though,i'm a sweety,when necessary.with a loving family,good friends and encouragement, i can be the very best i can be;but i 'm not sure if i've got even one out of three so thatts the end of that.i'm not always bitter,i do have a morbid,perverted and cynical sense of humor so i am not for the faint of heart.
anyway, i have to be dragged onto another useless errand that has nothing to fucking do with me,so bye.
